Chapter 5, Part 6 - Molly

Chapter 5, Part 6 – Molly



The red numbers of the digital clock glared back at me as I opened my eyes. The lines blurred together as I tried to blink away the sleepiness. "Is that a three?" I murmured, groping for the clock. Meanwhile, Little T's whimpering had escalated to cries, making me abandon the quest for the clock. I turned toward where he was nestled in the bed beside me and pulled him closer, gently patting his tummy and humming. I foolishly hoped I might soothe him back to sleep to save myself a trip downstairs.

Though it mollified him for a few moments, Little T was having none of that and he began thrashing his little arms and crying once more. "Okay okay, I get it. Food. Now." I yawned as I sat up and stretched. My vision had cleared and my original fears were confirmed by one glance at the clock. "Three o'clock? Really?"

Little T didn't respond to my questioning his sleeping habits except to fuss louder. Of course not, why would he? He's only two months old. "Well come on then, there's a bottle with your name on it," I said as I picked him up off the bed. I glanced over at the practically unused crib in the corner and thought about pointing it out to Little T again but honestly, what good would it do? He'd made it quite clear to me that he preferred my bed and if I valued my sleep at all, I had to honor that it would seem.

In my very limited experience so far, Little T seemed to have a thing against sleep actually. He woke up with the sun every morning – which may have had to do with the fact that the loft was almost entirely covered in windows. It was very difficult to hide from the sun in this building actually. It would have been a vampire's worst nightmare. Assuming vampires had nightmares. And that they slept. Which lately, I do not.

I feel I've gotten off course a bit.



After his feeding, Little T and I settled back into bed. I didn't even bother to try and put him in the crib because then we'd just have a late night fight about it and mostly I just wanted sleep. I wondered what Tony would think when I told him Little T preferred co-sleeping.

Like usual, by six, Little T was up and fussing again. By that time I knew there would be no hope of going back to sleep so I changed his clothes and gave him another bottle to start our day.

It was never a particularly exciting day. We got up, I fed, changed and rocked Little T while he whimpered and cried off and on and eventually fell into a restless sleep in my arms. Then I foolishly attempted to put him down in his crib so I might clean up the loft a bit and actually do something with my arms. He would wake up as soon as I set him down and I started the rocking, pacing, cursing process over again. I mentioned the part where he didn't seem to like sleep right?



The first time Tony came to visit, I placed a crying, screeching Little T in his arms and disappeared into the bathroom. I heard Little T crying through the door and turned on the shower – though I hadn't really intended to shower.

I could still hear him crying. It's possible that was in my head though, I always heard him crying – even when he was asleep lately.

I slumped down into the tub and let out great heaving sobs as the steaming water poured over me. It wasn't supposed to be this difficult was it? Maybe it wasn't difficult at all, Ruby would probably come in and have him silent in seconds. Maybe I was just pathetic at this whole parenting bit.



By the time I stepped out of the shower, the water had grown frigid. Whether he just knew I needed a break or he didn't mind – Tony didn't attempt to disturb me once. And he'd gotten the baby to sleep. In his crib. A tiny part of me hated him for his success – but I didn't say that out loud.

"Why don't I take him back to the hotel for the weekend Molly? You look..." Tony trailed off.

"I look like hell – you can say it," I finished his sentence for him without a glimmer of smile or emotion.

"Well I wasn't going to say that – but you do look tired," Tony said quickly.

"Right," I said, stifling a yawn. "Yeah, sure. His diaper bag is over there and..." I yawned again and Tony gently steered me to the bed.



"I got it Molly, I can find everything just fine," he said, smiling confidently. So cocky, so sure of himself. I hope Little T spits up on his pillow and pees on him during the next diaper change.

'Gah! When did I become so rude?!' I thought as I laid down on my pillow and closed my eyes.

------

I had expected to be unwilling to part with my baby for some time but I found it surprisingly easy to turn him over to Tony that weekend. Granted, Tony is T’s father but still, as a first time mother I’d thought I’d be rather possessive.

That weekend wasn’t the last time either and each time it became easier. The next visit, he didn’t have to suggest or offer, I asked him – Tony was a wonderful father and loved any time he could spend with his son so he took him willingly.

The visit after that, I didn’t ask, I simply told him I’d meet him at the hotel with Little T and all his gear for the weekend. After handing over the bags and the baby, I held out a key to my loft. “Just in case you need anything particular.”

“I think we'll be okay Molly," Tony argued. I pressed the key into his hand, kissed Little T on the forehead and waved as I turned away.

"Call me if anything happens," I called out. I had to resist the urge to run away from them and my heart ached when I realized what I was doing. How could I leave him so easily?!

An hour later I was walking down the street with Marisa, trying to put my conflicting feelings into words but she was easily distracted by shiny things – or clothes – so I gave up and let it brew inside.



"Come out with me tonight!" Marisa exclaimed suddenly, dragging me out of my internal reflection.

"Huh? Oh sorry – can't. My friend Deidree is coming into town tonight," I protested. Of course Marisa invited her along and ignored all my arguments. She pulled out her phone and shot me a text with time and a club name, "Marisa I'm right here..."

"Au revoir," she kissed both my cheeks and was off, leaving me staring after her with my mouth hanging open. I couldn't help but to laugh at the absurdity of my friend but I knew – if Deidree didn't mind anyway – we'd be at the club later.

When I got back to the loft, I was greeted by the building manager before I made it to the stairs. "Mademoiselle Gregory! A moment?" I waited as she bustled over toward me, dreading what she had to say. "Your lease – it has ended you know?"



"Oui," I nodded. Truth be told, the lease on the loft had ended in July but so far she'd been lenient about pushing me to sign a new one or move out given that I had a newborn baby – at least that was the assumption I'd made. Given that my student visa was about to expire as well, it seemed as if my time in France was coming to an end. Unsure of where I would actually go, I said, "if you can give me until the end of the month – I'll be moving."

"Bon, very good then. Bonjour!" She disappeared into the office then, leaving me to wonder where exactly I was going to move to, and how?

The mail I'd collected, and proceeded to ignore, that morning still sat unopened on the counter. I dropped my purse next to the pile and flipped through the envelopes. A card from Jacob. Two rather official letters from the French government – no doubt reminding me that I needed to apply for a new visa or vacate their country. A couple other letters from the states.

A large, fancy looking cream envelope with elegant scripting. The return address had been smudged so I couldn't even guess who it was from as I flipped it over. I opened it only to find another envelope – this one with only my name on the front and a thick wax seal with a coat of arms pressed into it. "Maybe it's my acceptance letter to Hogwarts," I mused aloud.



An RSVP card fell onto the counter as I pulled out and unfolded the letter. It wasn't a letter at all actually. It was an invitation to a birthday party. "Oh Cathy...why would you invite me?"

------

"Well I think you should go!" Deidree announced as she ordered another round of drinks for us.

"What?! Are you mad?" I had mentioned the invitation to Marisa and Deidree during round one. While both had been appropriately startled that I'd received an invite from Colin's sister, Deidree may have just gone off the deep end. "This is at Colin's house! I can't just show up, unannounced like that – besides I think there's a rule about go to family functions of your ex-fiance."



"First off, you wouldn't be unannounced Molly. Cathy invited you!" Deidree passed Marisa and I our drinks and we spun around to watch the crowd while drinking. "You need closure – before you leave Europe."

"Believe me Deidree – there was plenty of closure when he left the hospital. I can't keep dragging this out, Deidree – it's done. My showing up would just hurt Colin."

"Well you were on some pretty heavy medication Molly," Marisa chimed in. "And I understand the hormones following birth are quite bad..."

"Yes! There you go – go to Talford for the party and for closure," Deidree said triumphantly – as if she'd won a great debate. "Don't you agree Marisa?"



The pair had hit it off almost as soon as they'd met and were now as thick as thieves – conspiring against me it would seem. Marisa sipped her drink as she thought about the situation and then nodded, "Oui, I think you ought to go as well," she held up a hand to stop my protestations, "though not for the same reasons. Your Monsieur Beckham is quite delicious and you ought not pass up an opportunity for that." She winked at me and downed the rest of her drink.

Deidree and I dissolved into laughter as she grabbed our hands and dragged us out to the dance floor.

------

"This was a bad idea," I said as the cab pulled up in front of the expansive Beckham estate.



"Ma'am?" the driver examined me through the rear view mirror, probably thinking I'd been addressing him.

I waved it off and shook my head. With a shrug, he stopped the car and hopped out and ran around the cab to open the door for me. We'd already stopped by the inn in town to deposit my luggage but there hadn't been time to second guess myself if I didn't want to make a terribly late entrance. "Thank you," I said, handing him his money.

With a deep breath to steady my nerves, I ascended the steps to the front door. 'Stop fretting Molly, Cathy said she told him...' I'd emailed Cathy twice to be sure my presence would not be a surprise or completely unwelcome and both times she assured me that her brother knew I was coming and was neither displeased nor angry about it. Still, the urge to turn and run overwhelmed right up until the moment I saw him standing in the entry way laughing about something.

"Oh! I had no idea we'd invited the lower classes," Mrs. Beckham said as her eyes locked on me. As usual, she looked at me as if she'd just suck on a dozen lemons. Nice to see you too.



"Molly!" The surprise in his voice was evident and I cringed inwardly, my worst fear realized. After a moment he recovered himself and stepped over to me, taking my hand and kissing it lightly. "Mother, you will treat all our guests with the respect they deserve," he said without taking his eyes from me.

"I refuse to accept that tramp in my house Colin!" she replied shrilly.

"Then it's a good thing this is MY house. You will either treat Molly with the respect she deserves as our guest and friend, or you can leave this house." Colin's voice was even as he said it.

"Colin!" Mrs. Beckham sputtered a bit. "What would your father say?"



Colin was spared from responding as Cathy came bounding over with all the energy bottled up in a sixteen year old girl. "Oh Molly! I'm so glad you came!" she squeaked grabbing my hands and dragging me away from the welcoming party at the door. Once we were out of earshot she began apologizing profusely, "I'm so sorry I fibbed about Colin knowing...I just thought...I hoped..."



I said nothing, though a reprimand was on the tip of my tongue. She led me into the massive ballroom where small clusters of people were already chatting. A few turned to look in our direction but no one seemed familiar.

"Oh I really ought to get back to the door to help greet people but I thought I ought to rescue you from Mother. Thank you again for coming Molly!" With a quick air kiss, I was left alone, surrounded by strangers and feeling uneasy.



"Yep, good plan Mols, good plan," I muttered. I found an empty spot along the wall and hoped to learn the art of invisibility in the next few minutes – that or teleportation.

"It's Molly right?" I turned in the direction of the voice to find a familiar face. Ugh. "We met at a dinner party last year...I'm Anna."

"Yes of course," I said, pretending as if I didn't remember her until that very moment. But how could I forget her? Aside from being gorgeous and very accessible to my then fiance, they seemed to be best mates, and more if tabloids were to be believed. "It's nice to see you again."



"Oh," for her part, Anna looked uncomfortable and seemed to regret approaching me for a second. "I must confess, I was surprised to see you – things being as they are and all."

"And how are things, exactly?" While the obvious answer was that I was Colin's ex and had slept with someone else, I got the feeling that wasn't all of it.

"Oh Molly," Mrs. Beckham came over look all too excited to see me, "I see you've met my Colin's fiance!"



I'm certain my face blanching and my eyes widening gave her all the reaction she desired. I swallowed back the shock and turned toward Anna with an entirely fake smile on my face. She looked back at me awkwardly, as if trying to consider the words that would be a salve to my pain. "I offer you my congratulations," I said demurely. "Now if you'll both excuse me, I see someone I should pay my respects to," I lied and slid away from the pair. Anna tried to call out to me but I didn't look back.

Running, running would be good here. But I walked as steadily as I could out of the ballroom, past the small crowd of entering guests and out the front the door. I waited until the cold evening air hit me in the face before I broke into a run down the great steps and across the lawn.



"Molly!" Colin's voice carried across the sky toward me but I couldn't stop – not while I was still on the property. Not where Mrs. Beckham could be watching and gloating. A pair of footmen swung the gate open for me once I reached it and I darted across the small street.

It wasn't until I lost my footing in the slippery grass of the moorland that he caught up to me, gently pulling me to my feet. "Just...just go back Colin," I said stepping quickly away from him.



"Not without you," he said, closing the gap between us and taking my face in his hands. I was certain he was going to kiss me but after a moment, he released me once more, though he remained close. "Cathy wanted you here."

I shook my head quickly, "maybe but I...my presence is obviously not...a good thing."

"Then why did you come Molly?"

"I..." I replayed all the reasons in my mind and each seemed more pathetic than the last. "I don't know. Deidree said I should come for closure before I left Europe and at the time it seemed like a good idea..."

"You're leaving Europe?" Colin asked, surprise and maybe a bit of pain etched on his face.



"Um, yes. Back to the States," I was looking at my feet now, running the toe of my shoe through the grass and trying not to look into his gorgeous eyes. Before coming here I'd sent all of my stuff on ahead and hand Little T over to Tony to escort back to Crescent Bay while I made the move and, eventually, got settled back home. "For good I imagine," I added, answering an unasked question that was lingering in the air.

For several moments we were both silent, though a few times he seemed to be about to say something and then stopped. "Good luck with Anna," I said quickly and then spun around to continue toward the inn on the other side of the moor.

"It's you....it's you I love and you I want Molly," he hadn't come after me, still rooted in the spot. "It's always you."

I gulped and swiped at my eyes where tears began to form. Afraid to look at him, terrified to turn back, I kept my eyes on the lights in the distance. "I'm no good for you Colin – I'm no good for anyone."

"I don't care," he whispered in my ear – having closed the space between us with a few strides.

"Yes you do, or you will."



"What is so wrong that I can forgive you but you can't forgive yourself Molly?" Colin took my hand and held fast even as I attempted to pull it away. He spun me around to face him and I could see the dampness in his eyes as well. "I forgive you Molly."

"No!" I stumbled back as I shoved him away. "I love you too but I am broken Colin! Don't you see that? I'm just so...I-I'm broken and I-I can't fix it....and you're engaged to that woman..."

"You're NOT broken Molly! You're lost is all! Like the first time we met on that tower, you were lost. You're still on the bloody tower Molly! You're looking down at the courtyard and see where you think you need to be but can't figure out how to get there! You're looking everywhere except right beside you," Colin paused and shook his head sadly, "where I am standing, ready to show you the way."

His words were so sweet and so perfect, all I wanted was to fall into his arms and let him smother me with his love. But I didn't do that. My past still hung about me like chains and I couldn't seem to free myself of them.

Colin seemed to realize this then and nodded quietly. "As you say, I am engaged to another – it is an engagement of a particular kind and though I have long been her friend, my heart will always be yours I fear." At this he took my hand and brought it to his lips, "but yours is a path I think I cannot follow." He closed his eyes and lingered over my hand and then dropped it. "I wish you every happiness Molly Gregory, wherever your path takes you."

I was rooted in my spot, chilled by the autumn winds, as he strode away. "Goodbye Colin," I whispered. The tears that flowed after that blurred my vision as I tried to find my way back to the inn. Always lost.



------

The crib had been tucked into the corner of the room. The desk had been moved to make room. The bedding had been changed. Boxes lined the walls now. But otherwise it was still my room. Four years in Europe and I was back in my old room in my parent's house. Somehow that seemed pathetic to me.

Tony was supposed to come by later with Little T and I thought, briefly, about tackling a few of the more important boxes. In the end, laying down on the bed and eventually drifting off to sleep proved more interesting.

When I woke up, I heard my mom giggling and Little T's laughter carried through the house. I rolled over to look at the clock and realized, with a start, that I'd been asleep for over five hours. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I got to my feet.

I found Tony lounging on the couch, Mom tickling T's feet and making stupid baby noises and Dad smiling proudly to the side. "Morning sleepy head," Tony teased as I came into view.



"It's eight at night," I said shortly. "How long have you been here? Why didn't you wake me up?"

Tony looked at me curiously but simply said, "we thought you needed the sleep." When I didn't ask about Little T, he continued, "Little T did great by the way."

"I can see that," I said, then disappeared into the kitchen to grab something to drink. I half-expected him to follow me but thankfully he didn't. After a few more minutes, he was saying his goodbyes to T and promising to be back for a visit soon.

I stayed in the kitchen and just called out my goodbye.

------

Little T was fussing in his crib. While his whimpers were not a full blown cry, I knew the direction it was headed and groaned. Then I grabbed my pillow and pulled it over my head, effectively tuning him out.



After another few minutes, the cries escalated and the door to my bedroom creaked open. I heard my mom cross over to the crib and scoop him out of it. His crying instantly ceased once in Grandma's arms.



When I finally dragged myself from the bed, I could hear my mom talking to someone and crossed to the door to listen in – yes I was totally snooping.

"I don't know what's going on with her but she just...she just doesn't seem to care. I know she hears him crying and fussing but after the first week..." She stopped talking and when no one else spoke I assumed she must be on the phone. "...I just don't know what to do with her....Oh no, Little T is fine." From there the conversation changed to talking about how he'd begun attempting to roll over - and generally failed.

I quietly closed the door, so as not to alert her to my snooping, and went into the bathroom to take shower.

I'd been soaking for several minutes when the curtain was suddenly thrown open and Tony stood glaring at me. "What is going on with you that you don't seem to care about our son?"



"I'm naked Tony," I said simply. "Naked in the shower"

"It's not like I haven't seen it before Molly!" Tony thundered. Mom must have been on the phone with him earlier, lucky for her he was in town and not on the other side of the world I suppose. "What is wrong with you? Are you sick? Are you worn down? Are you...I don't know...what? What is it?"

"Towel," I said, ignoring his series of questions. He looked around for a towel but found none and I pointed toward the cabinet. "Under that sink Tony." He tossed me one but continued to fluctuate between concern and fury as I wrapped myself with it and then pulled my hair up. He was much closer to the fury by the time I pushed past him into my bedroom, though I imagine that had to do with my ignoring him.

"Molly!" He'd had just about enough of my stalling it would seem. "Molly, what is going on?"



"I don't..." I trailed off, rubbing my head where pain was beginning to build, "I'm just....I have no idea, I think I'm just tired or something. I feel – off." Then I begin rummaging through the suitcase where my clothes still lived and let the towel fall away.

This time Tony had the grace to turn away and started to speak up, "Molly – your towel..."



"It's not like you haven't seen it before," I said echoing his earlier words. I pulled on a clean (at least I'm pretty sure it was clean) shirt and a pair of jeans before turning toward him. "Why don't you take Little T for the week – you can take him Trick or Treating – Mom bought him some costume I think...?" I seemed to recall Mom showing me a costume of some sort. "You were going to come over anyway right?"

"Of course I was – first Halloween. I figured you'd be excited about it. I – I love every time I have T but this isn't going to fix...well whatever needs fixing Molly," Tony was back to being confused, I could hear it in his voice. He wanted to be angry with me but he was worried too, "our son needs his mother Molly. Get some help?"

"Help?" I scoffed. "Help is the last thing I need. Little T had grandparents, uncles, their wives and girlfriends and people I don't think I even know to cater to his every need. He's not wanting for anything Tony."



"He wants YOU," Tony said, irritation creeping into his voice. "I can't imagine why," he muttered.

The words stung – probably because of the truth they carried - and I turned away from him. "I'm sure you can get everything you need from Mom. Call if you need anything," I didn't specify who he should call though, what good would I do?

------

On Halloween, Mom attempted to coral me into giving out candy at the door. I knew she was expecting Tony to drop by with Little T and wanted me to gush and ooh and aah over him but I didn't take the bait. Instead I grabbed my purse and my cell and went "out."

I didn't actually have a destination in mind – I'd seen very little of Crescent Bay since my return – but for the first time in a month, I didn't WANT to be at the house. I ended up a small club, small being the only type to be had without driving into a larger town, and ordered the first thing I saw.

"Oh. Em. Gee!" I barely had time to register the voice when I was surrounded by a gaggle of familiar girls. Cheerleaders. Oh just kill me now. "Molly Gregory! I cannot believe it's YOU!"



"Well it's me," I said, gulping down the rest of my drink and forcing a strained smile. "Wow, none of you have changed at all!"

That was a big lie! One of them had put on some weight, which was for the better seeing as she was practically anorexic in high school. The blond was about twelve months pregnant and I was genuinely concerned the baby would fall out on my foot if she didn't stop jumping around. The others looked as if they been rung out and left to wither. But I lied – if I was Pinocchio my nose would have grown five feet in the few minutes I was subjected to their presence.

I was looking for a way out when another girl joined the crush – this one was familiar and sweet looking. With only a few words, she dispersed the crowd and smiled at me. "Molly Gregory, back from your European adventure huh?"

"Bella Crosby," I breathed a sigh of relief. Bella was one of two on the old squad I actually liked and wasn't predisposed to stab you in the back.



"Hart actually, Bella Hart," she held up her left hand which a simple but elegant wedding band rested next to a solitaire diamond engagement ring. "The wedding was this past summer."

"Right! Congratulations," I scolded myself for not remembering. They'd even sent me an invitation but of course I'd been in the hospital with Little T at the time. Thankfully she wasn't bothered by the minor slip up and we were able to spend the next hour catching up with each others lives.

I felt surprisingly at ease with her and probably babbled the entire time about my own drama but she didn't mind – at least she didn't seem to mind. "Molly..." she paused, chewing on her lip and then dug into her purse and emerged with a business card. "I hope you're not offended by this but it sounds like you need someone to talk to, someone professional perhaps?"

I probably would have been offended had it come from anyone else but Bella's face was genuine and the concern was heartfelt. "Doctor Owen Hart? Relation?"

"Husband," she said, blushing slightly. "Please, just think about it. He's a very good listener. He's usually pretty booked but I have an in," she winked at me.

------

Within a few days I had made the call – partially prompted by a particularly awful round of parenting where I screamed – actually screamed! - at Little T. His lower lip had quivered and then big, fat tears rolled down both our cheeks. I held him close, apologizing over and over for being so horrible while sobbing.

I tucked my legs up under me and tried to get comfortable on the couch while the good doctor watched patiently. "Molly..." he prompted, after I'd been still and silent for several minutes.

Like his wife, Doctor Hart was very easy to talk to and soon everything spilled out in a rush of emotion. I'd started with the night that had prompted me to call and then back tracked to all the other times I'd ignored my son or pushed him off on someone else. Eventually I was back in France and explaining the whole torrid tale of Tony's and my affair and what had happened since then in our relationships. My floundering friendships with Boris and Ruby even made it into the monologue.



The whole time he made a few notes and responded when necessary but otherwise remained silent – allowing me to go on and on until I ran out of words and emotions. "So I'm a horrible person right?"

Doctor Hart smiled at me and shook his head, "no, no you're not. You're just a person – faced with extraordinary circumstances and trying to keep your head above water. I also think aside from your very obvious guilt, you may be suffering from something called postpartum depression. It's not uncommon following a premature, somewhat traumatic, birth like yours."

Our first session ended soon after that – apparently my babbling had eaten up well over an hour – but I scheduled another one and assured him I'd be back.

By the time I got home, Tony had returned with Little T and for the first time in weeks I smiled at the sight of them. "Have a good time?" I asked.

Tony, though surprised by my interest this time, nodded. "We did – he got lots of candy he can't eat. Grandpa Hank now has it," he said with a chuckle.

"Molly, I was just telling Tony about the Thanksgiving dinner we're having – all your brother should be coming as well," said Mom.

Inwardly I cringed a bit at the thought of a big family affair but I nodded. "I hope you can make it Tony – it'll be Little T's first Thanksgiving after all, invite your dad as well." I looked over at Mom, hoping I didn't just burden her with two extra plates she hadn't planned on but she smiled and nodded.

"We'll be there, is there anything we can bring?" Tony asked, turning toward Mom as well. Mom just shook her head and started giving him the details while I turned my attention to Little T.

He stared up at me with his big eyes and I tried to resist the urge to cry – recalling the other night and all my horribleness. "I'm gonna try harder okay?" I whispered. Little T grinned at me and let out a baby laugh so I took that as forgiveness.



------

Of course it wasn't an instant fix or anything. We had our ups and downs still but with the promise of "working on it" Mom and Tony were less likely to get on my case about it. I started seeing Doctor Hart two to three times a week at first. While the medication he started me on mostly made me tired (re: exhausted), I actually felt almost human by the time the Thanksgiving dinner came around.

Little T was blissfully napping when the influx began – Garrett and Lauren being the first of the brothers to arrive. Lauren had grown so much since I'd seen her but she still remembered me and ran straight at me when they came in the door.

"I'm glad to see she hasn't forgotten me," I said with a smile. Lauren was jumping at my feet trying to tell me her entire life story so I sat down and let her go on and on about a fish and a princess and a frog. It was all rather confusing but I nodded and smiled the whole time.



By the time she'd finished, the rest of my brothers had arrived, crowding into the house that had once been able to hold us all with relative ease. Tony and Hank were talking with Garrett behind me and I heard "deployment" come up more than once. I was about to question them when Little T's early wails cackled across the baby monitor. "Oh, I'll get him," Tony started to say but I stood up, stopping him.

"No, let me," I said with a smile. "Maybe Lauren can be my big girl helper and help me change his diaper?"



"Ewwww!" Lauren crinkled her nose at the thought and everyone burst out laughing as I ascended the stairs to retrieve my son.

End Chapter

Outtakes

Chapter 5, Part 5 - Molly

Chapter 5, Part 5 - Molly

Being stuck on bed rest, May rolled into June before I even realized it. I received an invitation to Jacob's wedding at the end of May but obviously couldn't make it. I sent my regrets along with a wedding present I ordered online. I started doing a lot of shopping online actually, I ordered a crib and bedding for Little T as well as a whole assortment of clothes. It wasn't quite the same as going out and doing the shopping myself or having a baby shower but it kept me occupied.

I watched French television sometimes just for the variety. "Do you even speak French?" Colin asked, hovering by my bed as some sort of soap opera played out. I looked over at him in surprise, when had he come in?



"No, not well enough to know what's going on anyway." I said, tilting my head to the side in confusion.

"Well I do, and you don't really want to know." he said with a laugh. "You got a delivery today - looks like a crib?"

"Ooh!" I perked up. "I wish I could have seen it in person before buying but it looked great in the picture."

Colin chuckled. "I put the box in the empty area downstairs for now, Tony can put it together when he visits." For a second I thought he frowned but it was fleeting. "Do you need anything?"

I shook my head. "Not really but thanks. What are you doing tonight?"

He shrugged. "Probably work on a sketch or two." He turned back to the stairs and then looked back at me. "Call me if you need anything."

"Colin!" I called out before his foot even hit the next step. When he turned to me questioningly, "Can I watch?" I asked with a smile.

"What? Watch me draw?" he asked confused.



"Sure, has to be better than that." I pointed to the TV with the remote and turned it off. "You can help me downstairs to the drafting table and I can sit in a chair and watch. I want to be around people..." I confessed.

Colin shrugged. "Sure, why not." he said. "But how about I bring the drawing to you instead of the other way around? I'll be right back." He returned from his apartment a few minutes later with his portfolio and supplies and started to set up. When he finished, he reached into his portfolio and pulled out a design he'd obviously already started and started to zip the portfolio back up. "Can I look at those?" I asked, I hadn't seen any of his work in awhile. He laid the portfolio out for me before sitting down to work.

Colin's focus had always been on commercial properties so when I found multiple sketches of a single residential home I was surprised. I could see it in stages as the idea and plan had evolved in his head, adding on details and extensions with each new sketch. "Colin? What's this?"



"It's a house Molly." he said, not even looking back at me, as if he knew what I would be asking about.

"I know that." I said. "But why? You don't usually do residential."

He still didn't turn to face me, focusing on the sketch he was working on instead. "It was an idea that I couldn't get out of my head." he said. We were both silent for a few minutes and then I heard his chair squeak as he swiveled around to face me. "It was for us...to get away from Talford...I designed it for us." He stood up and took the page from his table and placed it before me, it was the floor plan of the same house but he was clearly in the process of making another edit. "This is where the nursery would go...for Little T." he said pointing to the area he'd been working on.

I felt tears pooling in my eyes as I looked between the sketches. "It's beautiful." I whispered.

Colin pushed the papers aside and moved onto the bed next to me. He held me in his arms as I cried, "You're not supposed to cry Molly." he said softly.



"I know" I said through the tears. He placed a hand on my cheek and turned me to face him. "I'm so sorry Colin!" I said as I thought about all the ways I'd screwed up what was supposed to be our life together. I looked down at my hands, unable to look in his sweet, gentle eyes.

"Molly, hush now, no need to cry." He said as he held me close to him. I never wanted him to let go.



------



The month of June dragged by but I got through each day thanks to Colin, Tony and Little T. Little T kept me company constantly of course but was particularly active in the afternoons after lunch. Tony was still traveling around the world it seemed but as my due date crept closer, my appointments increased in number. Tony came to every appointment, even if I'd just had one the week before. We still hadn't settled on a name and had actually decided to stop talking about it for awhile. And Colin came by multiple times a day to check on me. The only time I didn't see him was when Tony would be in town for a few days and then he made himself scarce.



Even with the visitors and French soap operas, I was hating bed rest. Most people said to enjoy the rest while I could but spending all that time in my bed was mind numbingly dull. I was waddling my way back to the bed when I heard Colin come in. "What are you doing up?" he asked, coming to my side and offering his arm.



"Nature called." I said with a laugh. The room blurred and spun as a wave of light-headedness hit me. I grabbed at Colin's arm to steady myself. Each step that took me closer to the bed seem to make the world even more unstable until Colin was the only reason I was standing up. I felt the nausea first and then without warning, I felt a gush of water. "Oh no..." I muttered, Colin was looking surprised and concerned but he pulled out his phone even as he was helping me sit down on the bed. Even sitting, the room seem to be spinning around me. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on breathing evenly so that the spinning would stop.



Colin was talking to the doctor on the phone right beside me but he sounded like he was miles away. I felt his arm around me, trying to help me stand. "Come on Molly, we need to go to the hospital. The doctor is waiting...." he still sounded so far away.

"Tony...call Tony..." I said, my voice sounded slurred as I felt so disoriented.



"Already doing it Molly." Colin said, walking me down the stairs, his phone was pressed to his ear with a shoulder. The first contraction hit almost as I put my foot on the bottom stair. I leaned back against the wall and reminded myself to breathe even as Colin was reminding me as well. "Her water just broke - get on a plane." he said into the phone quickly.

When we arrived at the hospital, Dr. Nan was waiting with a couple of nurses and wheelchair. I looked around for Colin as they started to wheel me inside and realized he had to park the car still but he locked eyes with me once and I knew he wasn't going away.



Once inside, there was a flurry of activity getting me admitted, hooked up to the monitors and an IV. Most of the medical staff was talking in French around me and they all looked way too busy to stop long enough and translate for me. With the contractions coming on hard and fast, I didn't really pay that much attention to what they were doing anyway.



Colin was at my side soon and let me squeeze the hell out of his hand without complaint. "Molly," Dr. Nan said finally. "We've given you antibiotics, some steroids for your baby's lungs and we're going to try to stop the contractions. We'd like to keep him in there awhile longer at least - to give the steroids a chance to work." Her voice was calm and steady - years of practice no doubt - but her eyes betrayed her. She was anxious about my condition or the condition of the baby.

"But..." I said, feeling like she wasn't done.

"But since your water broke, the risk of infection for you and the baby is much higher. Generally we like to deliver within twenty-four hours in a case like this but that means there wouldn't be time for a second dose of steroids." she explained. "We're going to do everything we can and we'll see what happens Molly." There was a lot more talk after that and eventually the contractions slowed down both in frequency and intensity.



While I was still contracting, the medical staff seemed to feel like the worst of the storm had passed and the room became very calm. Every once in awhile a nurse would come in to check on the vitals but mostly it was just Colin and I and the constant beep of the monitors. Colin didn't let go of my hand once.

"It's July 4th." I said sleepily when I saw the clock roll over to midnight, hours after we'd arrived.

"So it is." Colin said.

"I think Little T is going to be born on the fourth of July." I said with a grin. Somehow the birthday seemed fitting for Little T. He was silent but replied with a small smile. Like Dr. Nan, his eyes gave him away. He was scared. "Hey...everything is going to be fine." I said, trying to convey more truth in my words than I felt. He didn't say anything but he squeezed my hand harder.

A few hours later, despite the medication, the contractions started back up and this time no medical intervention was going to stop them. "Molly, the baby is breach. That means his feet are where his head should be...we have to do a c-section." Dr. Nan explained, her words barely registered as another contraction started and built in intensity. "Molly do you understand?"



"We have to wait!" I said through gritted teeth. I tried to breath through the rest of the contraction but the breaths were short and shallow. When it finally died out I repeated, "we have to wait! Tony's not here yet...we have to wait!"

"We'll wait only as long as it's medically safe for you and the baby." the doctor said before leaving the room. She stopped to confer with another doctor just outside my door and I saw her look back at me several times, her face etched with concern.

I turned toward Colin, pleading with my eyes. "He's on his way right? He should be here for the baby..."

"Shh...yes, he's on his way. It's a long way from the states that's all." Colin said brushing a sweaty strand of hair from my face. "He'll get here."

But Tony's window seemed to be closing as the baby's heart rate started dropping with every contraction in the following hour. I barely registered the concern etched on the faces of the medical staff as I tried to focus on breathing through the contractions. "Molly..." Dr. Nan said after another contraction had passed, she was looking at the readout on the monitor and looked worried.



"We have to wait..." I said, barely above a whisper. "Please wait..." I let go of one of Colin's hands to reach out to her.

Colin and Dr. Nan shared a look I didn't have the energy to read and then Colin was gripping my hand tightly and looking at me intently. "Molly, Molly you need to listen to me...the baby is in danger; I know that Tony would rather you and the baby be safe than have you wait for him..."

"But he should be here...why isn't he here?" I asked, fresh tears stung my eyes.

"I don't know but you need to let the doctors do their job. Little T is ready to be born Molly. Please." Colin looked like he was ready to cry as well, he was clutching my hand like a lifeline. "It's time." Though his words were hitched with concern, they hit home and I knew he was right.

I felt another contraction starting and gritted my teeth but nodded. The medical staff sprung into action and Colin was gently pulled away from me so they could get in and begin prepping me for surgery. I was vaguely aware of my abdomen being exposed more than before and most of the monitors being removed.



The door opened loudly and I assumed it was the influx of more doctors or nurses. "Molly!" Tony sounded out of breath, as if he'd run all the way from the states. I barely got a glimpse of him before a couple of nurses and Dr. Nan led him out of the room, I hoped they were explaining and he'd be waiting for me in the operating room.

Less than ten minutes after the decision had been made, I was rolled into a frigid operating room. They moved me over to the operating table and I was held up by a couple of strong arms as the anesthesiologist inserted the needle that would numb most of my body but allow me to be awake.



New monitors were attached to me and strapped around my belly to keep an eye on the baby. One of the nurses laid a heated blanket over my legs and over my chest to keep me warm under the chilly operating room conditions. I tried to joke about the need for a heater in here but the words fell on deaf ears as everyone was in action. Finally, Tony was brought in and sat by my head. He looked panicked but he held my hand and whispered soothing things to me.



The baby was out very quickly and when he let out his first cry, it sounded more like a weak whimper but soon he perked up and let out another, louder, cry. I was able to see him for about ten seconds before the hospital NICU staff took over and assessed him. Tony was torn between staying beside me and going to be with our son and I finally had to send him over to him.



He hung back some, to stay out of the way but he was able to watch as they hooked him up to dozens of little wires and tubes and put him in an incubator. They stopped for a moment by my side so I could see him once more. "Happy Birthday Little T." I whispered. And then he was off, Tony trailed behind looking toward me once more before being shoved out the door with out son.



------

I must have fallen asleep at the end of the operation because when I woke up I was back in my warm hospital room. Colin was gripping my hand as if his, or my, very life depended on it. I don't think I'd ever seen him as emotional as he looked at that moment. "You're still here." my voice was hoarse as I said it and I coughed a few times.



"Of course I am." he whispered, lifting a hand to delicately tuck an errant hair away from my face. "I wanted to make sure you were okay Molly."

I paused to consider how I felt physically at that moment and groaned. "I don't feel very okay. But I suppose I've lived to tell the tale and that's certainly something for the plus column."

Colin smirked and nodded. "It certainly is." The worry lines that seemed to have etched themselves into his face as of late started to fade as he continued to smile down at me. "I should call a nurse so you can see your son..." he started to rise but I held his hand firmly, preventing him from reaching for the call button.

"Thank you Colin." I said, tears welling in my eyes. "For being here for me these last few months."

Colin leaned forward and carefully pressed his lips to my forehead in response. "I was..." he trailed off and broke away from me. Before I could stop him, he pressed the call button and a nurse came in within moments.

"Oh you're awake!" she smiled at me and began checking all sorts of things. "Your son is in our NICU right now but he's doing very well considering. Monsieur Stark has hardly left his side - only to get reassurances from us that you were doing well. I understand you have not decided on a name yet?"

I shook my head and frowned. What were we going to name him?! "I thought we had more time."

She nodded sympathetically. "I will put in a quick call to your doctor and we'll see about taking you down there to see him." she added, waving cheerfully to us as she fluttered out of the room.

After her visit, an awkward silence fell between Colin and I as if neither of us knew how to resume our previous conversation. Our silence was broken by the entrance of two nurses with a wheel chair. Colin hung back, silently brooding as I was maneuvered from the bed into the wheel chair. Most of my lower half was still tingling as the drugs began to wear off but each adjustment sent waves of pain through me. The nurses, no doubt practiced in the art of mobilizing post-surgical patients, took care in moving me and tried to make it as painless as possible.



"Would you like to come as well sir?" one of them looked over toward Colin expectantly. I tried not to feel hurt when he shook his head. Was he starting to distance himself and preparing to leave now that I was safely delivered? I smiled weakly at him as the nurses pushed me out into the hall and toward the NICU.



I saw Tony huddled over the incubator before he saw me and couldn't help but smile at the tender expression on his face as he stroked the tiny hand of our son. He smiled in my direction as the nurses brought me closer. "Look at him..." he said, his voice barely a whisper.

"He's perfect." I said, feeling tears of happiness pool in my eyes. I waited impatiently as the nurses helped me with a proper gown and otherwise prepared me. I knew all the efforts were to prevent germs from reaching the tiny humans entrusted into their care and anxiously waited for the ritual to be done before I was allowed to reach over the edge on touch him. I was pleased to see how well he looked considering he came into the world nearly two months early. He had a couple monitors attached to him and various wires but on the whole he looked good.



"Ms. Gregory." A doctor clad in salmon colored scrubs smiled at me. "We met briefly in the O.R. but I wanted to introduce myself - I'm Doctor Reis..." she went on to tell me a bit about the NICU and then started talking about the baby. "Little T is doing well," I looked over at Tony at her adoption of our own nickname for him and he smiled and shrugged. "I don't expect he'll need to stay here more than a couple weeks to gain some weight and perfect the fine art of breathing." she looked kind and I could tell she had a love of children.

If I could have stayed in the NICU forever, I'm sure I would have been soon my body began to protest and everyone had to remind me that I had just had major abdominal surgery and needed to rest as much as Little T did. Tony, a bit reluctantly I think, followed me back to my room and saw that I was settled back into bed.

Colin wasn't there.

After a small pang of sadness and regret, I looked over at Tony and smiled. "We have a son."



"So we do." he said, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. Colin said you were upset..." I wondered when he and Colin had had a chance to speak and took a moment to imagine just how that exchange might have gone before returning my attention to Tony. He was explaining why he was so delayed and it took me a moment to catch up and get the general impression that he was in Texas when the call came and he had a difficult time getting out of that state. "It should have been easy enough to get a flight out of Houston but I had to get a ride to San Antonio..."

"That's it!" I exclaimed, instantly regretting my excitement as a spasm of pain radiated in my gut where I'd been stitched up.

"What's it?" Tony asked, confusion etched across his face.



"Antonio...we can name Little T Antonio..." I said, settling back against the pillows carefully.

For his part, Tony mostly looked confused but the more he consider it the more the idea seemed to appeal to him. "Antonio...I like it." He grinned, "So Little T has a name..."

"I imagine I'll still call him Little T out of habit." I admitted. This confession was followed by a large yawn and Tony kissed me on the forehead before tucking me in and instructing me to sleep and heal. I would have argued with him that I'd slept half the day already but I didn't have the energy. I thought I caught a glimpse of Colin coming in as I closed my eyes but I couldn't be sure.

------

Though I knew from the reports of others that Colin was still in Paris and had even been to visit me in the hospital any number of times, we barely saw each other in the following days. I spent a lot of time with Little T and Tony in the NICU for one and as soon as word got out that I'd given birth, there seem to be a steady flow of friends and family coming to visit. The night before I was set to be discharged from the hospital, Colin slipped in just at the end of visiting hours and leaned back on the wall, keeping his distance.

"I want to thank you - again - for everything you've done for me Colin." I said, my heart was hammering in my chest as I said it and withheld so much more.

Colin nodded. "I didn't want you to be alone, clearly that's no longer a problem." he said, looking as if he wished that weren't the case.

"As much as I love my family and friends, I'll be happy when most of them head home I think." I confessed, I hoped he knew he wasn't among the the 'most'. "It's hard to be normal with a flock of visitors."



"Right." Colin nodded. There was a long silence between us before he moved closer and perched on the edge of the bed. "I am glad you're healing and happy Molly." he said.

"Mostly because of your doing...I can't imagine how things would have turned out if you weren't here." I could feel the tears simmering beneath the surface and fought against them.

"You have a lot of people who love and care for you Molly. I think you underestimate them sometimes." he said brushing aside a hair, his fingers lightly skimming my skin and sending tremors through me. "I - I came to say goodbye..."

"Goodbye?" my lips trembled and I'm sure I was on the verge of sobbing if the scene played out much longer. "Back to England than?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light and indifferent.

"Yes, I've been away longer than I should I imagine." He stood up and paced away from me. I watched him transverse the room twice, biting back my cry that he stay. He finally turned and nodded slightly - as if deciding something finally. "If you should need anything..." he paused and then gave me a genuine smile, "If you need something, you can call me Molly." He strode back to the bed and gently pulled my hand up to his lips, kissing it once before tucking it back on the bed. "Goodbye Molly." Without another word, he left the room and as soon as the door clicked closed, tears began to roll down my cheeks.

------

Leaving Little T behind as I was officially discharged from the hospital was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do! Thankfully the NICU adhered to a different set of visitor's hours for parents so Tony and I were welcome just about any time we wanted. It's possible Little T has more visitors than anyone in the whole hospital seeing as all our parents, our friends and my own coworkers all came by to see him during his stay. Sean had even gotten word, from Colin I suspect, that I'd given birth and stopped by to see us.



He was exactly three weeks old when Dr. Reis informed Tony and I that she felt he'd be ready to go home within a couple days. "He's put on weight and is breathing and eating just fine." she said with a smile. I suspect she understood the warring emotions I was feeling. On the one hand, I was thrilled at the idea of taking him home but then I'd be solely responsible for keeping that tiny human alive and that, frankly, scared the crap out of me.

"Are you sure?" I stammered. Tony looked at me curiously but Dr. Reis nodded knowingly. "Wow..." I said, my eyes wide and my heart hammering away.



Within forty-eight hours we were strapping Little T into his infant carseat and listening as the nurses gave us our last minute instructions. I sure hoped Tony was listening more attentively than I was because all I could do was play with Little T's toes and try to keep him from crying. Dr. Reis stepped forward to say goodbye and seemed to have a real connection with the baby as he seemed attentive to her every word and even smiled at her when she stopped speaking.



Soon we were back at the loft and the reality of the fact that I was a mother - that Tony and I were parents - set in very quickly. We fumbled through changing and feeding Little T and eventually got him settled in the crib we'd set up. It was all the "nursery" he had at this point but I wasn't sure how long I'd be staying in Paris or in the loft. I didn't want to spend much time setting up something that might just be taken down in a month or so.





I offered Tony a drink and after getting one for myself, we settled into the couch but said nothing.



There were probably many things we ought to talk about - such as how we were going to do this whole international parenting and custody thing - but I didn't have the energy to address any of it at this point. Of course I'd been using that excuse for weeks now. The truth was it all seemed to complicated and I hoped if we just did whatever needed doing, it would work it self out. It was a foolish hope on my part really but Tony didn't push the issue either.

"You know...you're welcome to stay here..." As an after thought I pointed to the guest room where Cathy had once stayed, "So you can be close to Little T and all..." Truthfully, I hoped he'd accept because I was nervous about being alone with Little T on this first night.

"Yeah?" Tony said, considering the offer. After another moment he nodded, "Sure. Sounds good Molly. Though I do need to go back to the hotel and grab a few things."



A week later, Tony was still encamped in the guest room - a fact I was very pleased with because Little T woke up a lot and needed near constant attention for one thing or another. I'm not sure when I would have showered, let alone slept, had Tony not been there.

------

It was the first weekend in August when Marisa showed up with a handful of party supplies and a gaggle of interns she'd pressed into service. "What are you doing here?" I asked, looking down self-consciously at my ratty t-shirt that now possessed any number of spit up stains.



Marisa raised an eyebrow as she took in my appearance but said nothing. "Don't you remember? Welcome baby party and all that? I told you about it when you were still in the hospital?"

I frowned and shook my head even as she pushed passed me and started directing the interns. "I was under the influence of prescription medication at that time Marisa." I pointed out, watching in confusion as my loft was transformed into a sea of baby blue balloons and streamers.

"No worries love, I've taken care of everything. All your family and friends were invited and a fair number of them are coming considering they're all in the United States. It will be grand and you need do nothing...." she looked over me once again. "Except perhaps make yourself pretty for company." she pointed up toward the bathroom. Tony, at least, did not seem terribly surprised to see Marisa. HE wasn't taking heavy meds at the time though I suppose. I trudged up the stairs and by the time I reemerged, feeling more human than I had in days, I could hear the buzz of people below. I peaked downstairs and saw that Marisa had, in fact, invited a number of people. I was surprised at how many had come so far, especially as many of them had visited me in the hospital only a few weeks ago.



Although I wasn't surprised, I was sad to find that Colin wasn't in the crowd. With a sigh I took my time getting dressed and fixing my hair before descending into the throng of people. I caught a glimpse of Tony, holding Little T, and waved at him. Ruby was mingling and Boris seemed to have captured the attention of Caleb. I recalled his interest in the model earlier in the year but couldn't remember if he'd explained his interest. I tried to file it away to ask him about later but my attention was snagged by Marisa as she directed me to the large pile of presents. "What on earth...?" I'm sure my mouth was hanging open.



"Well this is much like a baby shower..only with men and alcohol....so there ought to be gifts for your little Antonio yes?" she said with a smile.

"Um....I guess." I said, still dumbfounded by all the prettily wrapped presents. "You're not going to make me open all those during the party are you?" I whispered. At most baby showers this was part of the event but I hoped there would be other distractions for the guests so we needn't spend an hour watching Tony and I open them all. Marisa waved off my concerns just as Tony came over with a very fussy baby.

"I think he wants his mommy." Tony said. "Or he's just exhausted by all these people."



"I can't blame him." I said with a smirk. "I'll see if I can get him to take a nap." I took him from Tony and cradled him closely. "Come on Little T."

Little T may have had the best plan as he slept through the whole party - unaware that everyone was here to celebrate him. By the time he woke up to be fed, Marisa and her interns were cleaning up the place and soon departing.

------

After a week of co-parenting, Tony finally had no choice but to return to work. He'd spent a month in Paris as a result of Little T's early arrival but eventually work beckoned. "You'll be okay?" I nodded, though I couldn't be sure that much was true. "And you'll call me about anything you need right?"



"Yes Tony. Besides, you'll be back in a couple weeks to visit. I think we can manage alright." I said. "You'll miss Daddy though huh little guy" I said to Little T. He rewarded us with a toothless baby smile. Tony seemed to buckle, unwilling to leave us. "Come on, one of us has to work and I can't for another few weeks yet." I teased Tony.

"Right." Tony said. He scooped Little T from my arms and gave his son a few more kisses and hugs before turning to me. "Call me, for anything...for everything." he said. "And take lots of pictures."



"That is a promise I can certainly keep." I said with a laugh. We leaned forward to hug each other at the same time and I had to force myself to let go of him. After the door closed behind him, I looked back down at Little T and frowned. "Guess it's just us kiddo."

End Chapter

A couple outtakes